American Gothic

Except for my appearance in this picture, this has always been a favorite of mine. Conjures up images of a time when we can fart around all weekend and it didn’t really matter. No children to tend to, no large responsibilities to worry about, etc…. Sometimes we would actually do work like cleaning out our pond and sometimes we would lazily hang out around the house (or am I talking about myself??). Not that times now aren’t as much fun, just different.

So…this weekend wasn’t all that extraordinary but enjoyable nonetheless. I hope Laura knows how much work and stress this music project is. I have been using every available opportunity to write and record songs. I bolted home for lunch when I knew Laura and PJ were out getting pictures taken so that I could record some vocals. Not only that I am recording my vocals without my computer enhancement software Melodyne. My computer picked a rotten time to screw my cracked software. With that said…MY VOCALS SUCK. Oh well, I think she’ll get the sentiment which is really what matters. So I have this week to finish up the songs in preparation for the “CD Release Party” occurring on Friday night (Leap Day). Getting music done has been stressful but to multiply the stress is the fact that I’m doing it behind her back so any and all available time alone is put into recording. It is fun though; the creative process can be very rewarding for me. It’s quite a luxury being able to play guitar and drums as well, now if I could only sing………

Happy Friday

Laura always gets these crazy nightmares where someone important in her life is being attacked or killed or usually both. In the middle of the night last night she shrieked, thereby waking me up. She said she was being attacked by "Killer Owls". According to her, they mistook her finger for worms.

It never ends. It’s endearing yet requires some enduring at the same time.

I still have yet to share this blog with anyone. I really haven’t tapped into doing what the initial purpose of this blog was. I guess I haven’t figured out what I want to say in this arena. I figure PJ updates and some small snippets of our lives would suffice for now. Someday I’ll tackle some larger items such as:

-The meaning of life (and death)
-Finally answering the question “Do we really have a soul?” and if so, how much can I get for it on ebay? And it the soul really does weigh 27 grams, is it heavier for fat people? If mine is getting too heavy is there a "Jenny Craig for the Soul" program I can go on?
-Why do all the songs I write sound the same?
-The moon landing; definitive proof it was a hoax

-Parker…future cheerleader or point guard?

Last night...

I came up with another song idea; this one is based on Laura’s Birth Plan. I was fiddling with the guitar last night while watching PJ. It’s a pretty simple chord configuration (only three) but I think if it’s recorded right it could sound pretty good…we’ll see about that.

Parker and I had a good time last night, we didn’t really do anything noteworthy-just played around the house. We did watch a new Yo Gabba Gabba episode and played hide and seek, ring around the rosies, and sang some songs. It doesn’t really take a lot to have a fun time with her. She kinda creates it herself with her personality and energy. She’s a lot of fun.

Here’s the lyrics and chords to the song:

The Birth Plan

Intro C-Am-C-Am

C Am
Epidurals, I say No
G
Even when there’s pain down below
C Am
Stadol if there really is a must
F
All other drugs, I do not trust

A Jacuzzi tub I’d like so much
C
And a caring nurse would be a plus

Am-C-Am-C

C Am
Epesiotomy, I scream No
G
Unless it’s completely apropos
C

Electronic monitoring I think not
F
My mobility I cherish a lot

There are techniques to deal with pain
C
My mother and husband will keep me sane

Am-C-Am-C-F-C

C Am
I want this as natural as can be
G
Let this plan be my decree
C
For Georgia is always on my mind
F
I think about her all the time

For she is a rose about to bloom
C

And if you don’t like screams, please leave the room

My Birth Plan

I wrote this a few years back for Parker's birth. It was in reaction to Laura's Birth Plan she wrote for the nursing staff.

1) My involvement
As little as necessary. I want to be present but not accountable for anything more than fetching things for my wife and trying to figure out how to relax her.

2) Narcotics
Of course. My hands and arms will be sore from applying counter-pressure to Laura’s back and I will need something to relieve the pain. Also, I will need to be in good spirits in order to concentrate on Laura’s needs and pain killers always puts me in carefree, jovial mood. If I do get painkillers I expect to be allowed to smoke and drink as well.

3) Electronic Fetal Monitoring
Does it cost extra? If so, NO, it’s an impedance on my wife’s mobility and I want her to be as comfortable and mobile as possible. It’s her needs I am most concerned about at this precious time in our lives. If it doesn’t cost extra then sure I don’t care, whatever Laura wants.

4) Ambience
Music – My song list (intended for background inspiration for Laura) includes:
Salt-n-Pepa’s “Huh…Push It, Push It Good. Huh…Push It, Push It Real Good”
Bust a Move – Young MC
She’s Like the Wind – Patrick Swayze (a quick birth…guaranteed!)
Sledgehammer – Peter Gabriel
Hello Goodbye - The Beatles
The Way We Were – Barbara Streisand
(You’re) Having My Baby – Paul Anka
Worried Man Blues – Woody Guthrie
Baby, I’m-A Want You – Bread
Sixteen Reasons – Connie Stevens
All Night Long – Lionel Ritchie
I Just Want to Be Your Everything – Andy Gibb
Lady Madonna – The Beatles
Aroma – I hope to have a lot of flatulence that day as payback for all the gaseous outbursts I’ve had to endure from my precious, dainty wife during her pregnancy.
Television – Three Words…Ultimate Fighting Challenge!
People – The less the better, I don’t like people.
Insects – Lots and lots of spiders, everybody loves spiders!

5) Contraction Monitor
See #3

6) Food
Does this mean Laura won’t be cooking for me for a while? I don’t remember that being part of the deal. Does that mean I have to eat Salsbury Steak at mom’s house? Please…no. Well, it looks like it’s going to have to be toast for a few days.

7) Focal Point
Anything or anyone but me.

8) Epesiotomy
That’s gross!!!

9) Birthing positions
Whatever is easiest on Laura. I don’t really care. Preferably not in the catcher’s position, the “toilet squat” might create some weird imagery I will need psychotherapy to get over. Come to think of it, any position that does not cause an epesiotomy is fine by me. Remember, I’m just here for the ride.

The 4-Day Weekend is Over

Hmmmmmm…what happened this weekend…nothing to really report. I rebuilt my computer to be larger, stronger, faster and that’s about it. Parker did ask to see my penis while we were going to the bathroom together. That was kinda alarming. We also went to the beach, went to Toys-R-Us and that’s about it.

Laura and I talked about what this next child is going to be like. PJ really has set the standards extra high so I fear Georgia’s disposition is going to be a letdown no matter what. That sounds pretty bad I know, but it’s an honest assessment. Parker was and is such a relatively easy-going, fun little girl that it’s hard to imagine another child being like her. I’m not even talking about having a child with some sort of physical deficiencies…that’s really really scary to me. As Geoff and I have talked about, having a child is a matter of “rollin’ the dice”; you just don’t know what is going to happen. I guess there’s nothing we can do about it but worry so I’ll do my best and not think about it although I know Laura is going to be bringing it up every 48 hours or so.

V-Day

Since it's Valentine's Day I thought I'd share another song I wrote for Laura's upcoming Birthday Cd. I haven't recorded it yet-I will try this weekend to get it down. It's very difficult doing this recording stuff without her knowing. So far, so good. I surprised them at lunch by coming home semi-early with flowers and a balloon for Parker. Just my weak-ass attempt at being a romantic. It's just not in my genes to be a "gooey Romantic".


Untitled Love Song #1

My wife, my friend
We meet again
Feliz Cumpleanos to you

You’re 32
You're tried and true
Such happy days for me and you
And of course, for Parker too

My friend, my muse
In Takken shoes
A pleasant Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you

The Rhododendron Tree
It laughs with me
It’s growing up so beautifully

The roots are sound
Leaves all around
The branches are few, but we’re not through
Life is so grand for me and you

The Rhododendron Tree
It’s got me on one knee
Here’s to a fruitful family tree

Stranger On A Train

My throat is sore and I feel weak. How’s that for an opening to a paragraph? I’m trying this “stream of consciousness” writing style. I forgot the point of this blog was to capture as much of myself as I can in writing. Not only is that to include hourly Parker updates but also other things that might pop up in my life. I have to admit that there is something liberating about knowing that there’s no readership with regards to this blog. Me and the VC Reporter have something in common!

One thing which kind struck about myself and moving back suburbia and living the average Middle-Income Southern California Dream is my inability to accept myself as being a member of the Soccer Mom/Dad fraternity. When I grew up here in Ventura, I always thought I’d be living in some big city all of my life enjoying its pleasures; theater, concerts, restaurants, and bars-that was supposed to be San Francisco. Well, that didn’t happen. I am back in Ventura. I’ve accepted living here; I just refuse to become part of the fraternity. Now, I’m not sure what that means but damnit, I’m sticking to it.

So back to what struck me - as people were asking me about whether I wanted Child #2 to be a boy or girl and I emphatically stated “girl”. Maybe I subconsciously didn’t want to be a part of the “perfect” family (a son and a daughter). I think that’s true, I think that I considered two daughters would set me apart from the fraternity, just a little bit but it was enough for me. Also, I do want Parker to have a sister, that I cannot deny but this acceptance of suburban Ventura is still an issue I’ve yet to come to terms with. There are other things for me to deal with, religion (prayer especially), conservatism, anti-Socialist Christians (is there anything more Christian than Socialism???), Dodger fans, volleyball as a sport, my wife’s inability to be content with the general makeup of our house (interior and exterior), and the Ventura Music Scene (no more cover bands!!).

See...I told You

Proof of my last post...Parker's ultrasound. She thinks she's having a baby. Here's to grandfatherhood!!

Go To Hell

I’m listening to KCRW’s “Morning Becomes Eclectic” and a song has come on where the chorus melodically sings “Go To Hell”. As I listen and think about my job and my inability to tell people “no, I’m not qualified to perform that task”, I get more and more upset with myself. Not just that but also the people that take advantage me. This is not a good week for me (and it’s only Tuesday!!). Everything and everybody is coming at me with work problems in addition to the new addition to the office is paid handsomely to do very little. Well, that’s something I can’t control but my workload I can. I think I need to take some time off and regroup. That I might do, we’ll see. What I will do is go to my Director and explain my frustrations with this place. I’m keeping all of this to myself because I hate to be the complaining employee but there comes a time when one must be straight about what’s going on and communicate it to the person that should be hearing it.

And what will my message be? Go to Hell.

All In The Family

Laura, my mom, and Parker went to the doctor yesterday to get Ultrasound #2 to determine the sex of the upcoming addition. No surprises, it’s a girl. Parker wanted to an ultrasound as well so they put her on the chair and looked at her vital organs. She wants to do everything that we do…period.

So we were eating dinner last night and mom asked her if she liked the name “Georgia”. “No” she said. After that we started going around the table with other name suggestions, when it started getting silly Parker started to really have fun with it. The name came up “Pee Pee Head” and she lost it…I never seen her laugh so hard, the kind of laugh someone gives when they’ve heard a good joke. It’s much different than the “tickle laugh”. I hope that moment is a harbinger of things to come….I hope we have a lot of those moments where we can be silly and make each other laugh.

After that we went to Dairy Queen and brought ice cream to my mom’s. Laura shared with me that she’s the happiest she’s ever been. Hmmmmmmm, that’s quite an overreaching statement. Am I? I don’t know, I reflect back to my late teens when responsibilities were manageable and every weekend was fun. I’m happy now but am I happier more than my youth? I don’t know…are they in the same context? What the hell am I going through this mental hopscotch for?

An interesting Monday night.

Songwriting

I’ve been recording a few songs for Laura’s birthday. I’ve run out of lyric ideas for her which is kinda scary. Is there really nothing I have to say to her or about her? Is the well dry when it comes to messages I want to send to my wife? Maybe it’s all apart of my “disconnectedness” with her…lack of intimacy? Maybe I should just write an over the top cheesy love song. I’ve never done that before…I just thought of that…hmm…..that’s a good idea. Now how does one write an over-the-top cheesy love song? I am really going to have to work on it. So far I’ve written a song about Laura’s Basketball Prowess, two generic Happy B-Day Songs, and a song that’s kind of a personal song where the verses represent (in order) Georgia, Parker, me, and Laura.

Dancing Shows and Fancy Bows

Chords B-E/Chorus F#-E

Baby crossed an ocean just to see what she could be
At the wall beneath the sea with a rose between her teeth
Spent a lifetime pacified, a lifetime living fine
While only four months along, it needs a little time
A little time

Strolling through her dreams, the heater’s always on high
Shooting stars still break her heart and sunsets make her cry
Watch the birds fly overhead you can hold them if you try
Watch the birds fly overhead you can hold them if you try
If you try

(Chorus)
Dancing shows and fancy bows
with a culinary undertow
Primordial midgets
Where they come from no one knows
No one knows

Dove flying above the clouds, couldn’t see the land below
Gold lying in the ground beneath the melting snow
The ancient path to happiness some may never know
The ancient path to happiness some may never know
Never know

(Chorus)
Dancing shows and fancy bows
with a culinary undertow
Primordial midgets
Where they come from no one knows
No one knows

Two stones in my pocket got to keep them for my dreams
I’ll give them both to you ‘cause you need them more than me
Your mother’s arms will temper you wherever you may be
Your mother’s arms will temper you wherever you may be
You may be

(Chorus)
Dancing shows and fancy bows
with a culinary undertow
Primordial midgets
Where they come from no one knows

No one knows

In one of the birthday songs I wrote, I'm using Parker's voice which was a chore but I finally got it done. Getting Parker to sing is like herding cats, but finally I got her to say into the mic exactly what I wanted her to say so I could include it in the song.

I’ve been biting my figurative tongue with regards to mentioning politics in this blog. I’ve drank the Kool-aid and ended up being swept into Obamacide, I’ve joined “Generation O”, and I’ve officially given the 10th month the moniker “Baraktober”. I won’t say any more about that…however, DICK Cheney, who is the most evil person on the face of the earth without a doubt had the never to make a public speech. Now it wasn’t too any people of substance mind, it was to CPAC which is basically a group of conservative lobbyists. Two terms that should not go together.

Hey was quoted as saying the following:

“As conservatives, we believe in a government that takes up a smaller share of the national income, that treats tax dollars with respect and restraint. And we believe in a government that keeps to its limits under the Constitution, never expanding beyond the consent of the governed.”

And then, he farted candy and rainbows. Yes, it was amazing. After that all the little creatures came out from under the floorboards and sewed him a beautiful new dress for the ball!

He also said…

“To prevail in the long run, we have to remove the conditions that inspire such blind, prideful hatred that drove 19 men to get into airplanes and come kill us. And so the President made the decision; We wouldn’t just remove the Taliban and Saddam Hussein and let other dictators rise in their place.”

Suddenly, a light appeared before him illuminating two icons one saying “911” and the other saying “Iraq” and the two merged into one for ever and ever. Regardless of what is spoken, written, or even proven. It doesn’t matter anymore. The top of McCain’s head could be seen as Cheney gave him speech.
Well, it’s good to know he’s eliminated that hatred other groups have of us. I was worried about it for a while but it’s all taken care of. Now back to sleep………

I only hope that some day these last 8 years are not apart of a conservative revisionist movement (ala Reagan) and we actually give these people the apt amount of responsibility for what they did to this country after 911. It sickens me to think of Bush as being anything but the worst President ever, except for Nixon maybe. He's deserved it.

Huh?

Went with Laura for the ultrasound this morning. Yet another stubborn child we will be raising soon. He/she would move his/her legs to accomate the technician in trying to determine its sex. Drat, these little buggers! Oh well, he/she (the irony of this is that I couldn't figure out the sex of the ultrasound technician) thought it was a girl but couldn't be sure. That's not enough for Laura so we'll be forking over $$$ to have another one. I kinda like the idea of not knowing. It's a very old school idea and heck, we really don't need to know right now anyhow. We're not going to change much at the house. Oh well...whatevs.

Rainy Day

It was raining like crazy all week last week. Laura, Parker, and myself drove out to The Point to look at the waves. We went outside for a brief time but it was raining and windy which meant…IT WAS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.

I almost forgot...

Julie and Geoff bought PJ this guitar for her birthday. She's really taking to playing the guitar, she walked into the living room several times this weekend asking me if I wanted to "rock out". She always asks for a pick before she starts strumming. It's quite remarkable for recently-crowned two year old, but I don't want to get too excited about how "advanced" our child is. It's so cliche.

The real remarkable revelation with Parker is that she can now sing in time with a song when we're playing together. When I play "Trash Truck" or "Wakey Wakey Eggs n Bakey" on guitar she sings the song in time! It's quite amazing to watch, what a big step! I can't wait 'til she gets older and we can play together. I'm really looking forward to it!!

The 3 day weekend

Not a very eventful weekend, which is good. I started recording a song for Laura’s birthday, the song is ok-I still have to figure the lyrics out but the basic musical foundation is done which is usually the hard part for me. Parker shared some important news with Laura and myself, she too is having a baby with mommy. She pulled up her shirt and was rubbing her tummy while she was telling us this important information.
So, I’m gonna be a grandpa-things are really moving fast around here.