The first step in this marketing campaign is t-shirts, then our business plan kinda goes awry…
1) The Potty Town Map of Ventura County – a parent’s guide to nice, clean bathrooms for children in the Ventura County area. For the parent who shops a lot and wants to know the location of the best child-friendly public bathrooms. This is inspired by the bathroom Parker and I found a long time ago at the Pacific View Mall by the food court. There are several private bathrooms with a big toilet for adults and a little toilet for children…very cool. Everybody probably knows about this but no one told me!
2) Mr. Fancy Pants - A new line of children’s pants made of flashy satin accompanied with other bright accoutrements such as dazzling fake diamonds, LED lights on the pants cuff, etc…
3) The “Spank Me” Spanking Paddle – comes with booklet on other punishment options when the child is performing extra-badly, chapters include:
a. An Introduction to Pressure Points
b. Waterboarding, If It’s Good Enough For the C.I.A. – foreward by Dick Cheney
c. The Comeback of Castor Oil
d. The All Vegetable Diet…nothing else but!
4) The Let’s Swing Swing Set – nothing more than a mere swing set, of course it will cost twice as much than most swing sets due to the “Let’s Swing” licensing moniker
5) Brushin’ My Teeth Toothpaste – butter cream frosting flavored toothpaste…yum yum
6) Opening an actual Goody Goody Gumdrops Candy Store…strike that…after further research it was discovered that one already exists… www.goodygumdrop.com (hmmmm…maybe they need a theme song)
7) The Laura Powers bobblehead doll – it just sounds funny
8) The Wonderin’ If It’s Time To Go Potty Chair – as soon as the child sits down the sound of running water comes out of the speakers
9) The Pink Thongs Lingerie Shop- nothing but thongs
10) The “When I’m Sleeping” Sleeping Bag – plenty of hidden pockets inside to store candy for midnight snacks
Other ideas are always welcome...
4 comments:
omg - you are killing me this week Will. To expound on your marketing plan I think you should open your "potty town map" demographic to include newly pregnant women as well. I mean, they will need to know where all the good bathrooms are in town too.
Love the tshirt
Dude......where can I purchase a shirt? Soon I will need to order a "spank me" paddle (and by soon I mean now Deann has been getting out of line)! Love the idea and absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the CD's I can wait to test them out.
Nate D.
Child buttock-slapping/battering vs. DISCIPLINE:
Child buttock-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit the website of Parents and Teachers Against Violence In Education at www.nospank.net.
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
Great idea for the preggos out there. ALthough it'd probably more convenient for them to use some sort of depends diaper but I'll leave that alone.
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