Today marks a year anniversary that a good friend Jason left our world and hopefully found another. Funny how with most things we issue the cliché “my, how time has flown”, however in this instance I feel it’s exactly the opposite. It seems like it was two years that our friend Jason’s body succumbed to the cancer that, over a two-year period destroyed his body and rendered him dead one year ago. It’s quite interesting (and morbidly impressive) looking at how cancer actually works to perform this feat. Slowly sending satellites throughout the blood stream looking for a place (organ) it can live off of. After all, it’s trying to survive just like us.
It’s hard to be totally honest about Jason because there were several negative traits he possessed that nobody likes to see in a person, especially someone whose friendship I cherished. Mitra kept a lot of it from us but nevertheless, she’s told us about some of the instances. These stories show a very selfish, insecure person who dealt with them in a snide and vindictive manner, usually to those closest to him. It’s evident that he was psychologically abusive. I wonder if I did know the true extent of his behavior at the time if I would’ve done something about it. A lot of it was senseless, but still I’m not a confrontational person so I don’t think I would’ve confronted him about it. It’s not something I’m proud of but probably true.
With that said, it’s my natural inclination on this day to think about the positive aspects of his existence rather than the negative ones. I bet that goes for everyone he’s hurt in the past. I think that Mitra is even looking back on this day and thinking about the good times she spent with him more than the times she had to put up with his childish contempt. Maybe she’s not, if she isn’t I can’t say I blame her. I will say this-it makes me appreciate Laura all the more when I see or hear of how other couple’s relationships (which will remain nameless) operate. I’m referring to couples other than Mitra and Jason but I guess I would include them as well.
At first after Jason died I must admit I was numb to the idea of him being gone. Like everything else you lose, the immediate notion of the loss is one thing but going on with your life and experiencing random moments that remind you he’s gone is something else. I’ve experienced that same feeling with my dad, especially since Parker was born. I recall the first instance of thinking about him was hearing the notable voice of Mr. Vin Scully. That voice reminded me of two things…watching baseball on television as a kid and Jason-the biggest Dodger Fan I ever knew. What I liked about him was the fact that he was a maniacal Dodger fan. It provided endless fodder but more importantly it gave me a connection with someone else which I’ve yet to replace. Baseball is a topic that enables so many different types of conversations and for the both of us it was something that intrigued us. The history, the rivalries, the cheating, Fantasy baseball, the characters of the game-they all contributed to an interesting conversation. Funny how it’s only been my dad and Jason with which I’ve had that connection with and they’re both dead. I remember when Jason and Mitra were at my parent’s house around the time of our wedding and I told dad that Jason was a Dodger fan and immediately he looks at Jason points toward the door and in his stern yet comical voice he says, “get out”.
When it came to our often exuberant, dance-laden girlfriends, we both liked playing the part of the embarrassed boyfriends who are just too damn cool to be caught dancing to “I Will Survive”. But unfortunately he seemed to take it to another level. I likened their immature behavior to two things, one is compared to me and Jason’s obsession with Playstation (which is intended for teenagers) it’s on the same level, and two it was a chance for them to relive those formative years of being 16, innocent, and silly. Well, maybe rubbing up against a stripper’s pole at Spanky’s on Castro Valley Blvd doesn’t really classify itself in that nature but it’s the same idea. Regardless, Jason deemed this behavior from a snobbish, intellectual perspective yet he never did it front of me, I never once sensed that while they were inside dancing at some unknown person’s wedding reception in downtown San Francisco, we were outside just talking about things and he was as cool and calm as can be. I never saw the rage and disdain that was boiling inside him. I wish I did so I could at least try to talk him down from his tower of enlightenment but I never really knew.
And so it goes…I hope he just hasn’t ceased to exist. That would be sadder than anything he went through here. I hope there is a soul or something like it and he just travels metaphysically to somewhere else. If he just dies and everything within him dies as well, that would just be…sad. So here’s to music, baseball, poetry, politics, the arts, history, and everything else he cherished during his brief stay here.
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