The Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) Olympics (inspired by the Winter Olympics and a posting from Jen Mowad)

1st event: Diaper Changing - now keep in mind that this isn’t merely a speed event, there is quite a bit of judging involved. The judging has to include several key elements:
1. Contentment of the child- is he/she happy while the diaper is being changed? Points are deducted for crying and added for laughing.
2. Movement of the child – is the child remaining inert while diaper is being changed or is the beast trying to constantly roll over and move around?
3. Rash – points deducted for rashes, it implies mother is not applying proper ointments (Desidin, talc, etc…) to alleviate discomfort.
4. Number of children – the more children you have the higher the degree of difficulty (bonus points if their twins)
5. Degree of odor – the more heinous the smell the higher the degree of difficulty awarded
6. Density of bowel movement produced - reflects the type of diet the mother has implemented for the child. If the excrement is too runny, mother is not feeding child enough fiber and bananas (points deducted), if the excrement is too dense a significant risk of constipation is evident (points deducted-lay off the bananas).

Points also deducted for cheating! The contestant may not “sneek a peek” down the child’s pants to see if there is excrement. Nor can the contestant pick the child up and put her nose in the child’s crotch to detect odor (Laura!). Knowledge of dirty diaper can only be determined by a casual odor detection method (child walking or crawling by parent). Bonus points awarded for diaper change detection based solely on instincts.

AUTOMATIC GOLD MEDAL AWARDED TO MOTHER USING CLOTH DIAPERS. CONGRATULATORY LETTER FROM AL GORE TO FOLLOW AT A LATER DATE.

2nd Event: Offensive Driving Because Your Child Is Late to Pre-School, Dance Lessons, Psychotherapy appointment, Soccer game, et al. – this is another event that’s based on scores from judges and times. Scores are evaluated on the following criteria:
1. Ability of the SAHM to have children dressed and ready. The more children involved, the higher degree of difficulty (bonus points received if twins are involved).
2. Ability of SAHM to methodically anticipate effective lane changes that will decrease time needed to reach destination.

Points deducted for stopping at gas stations. Shows contestant has not shown proper foresight (Laura!) in transporting children to destination.

Points deducted for traffic citations received while transporting children to destination. No additional comments needed.

3rd Event: Cake Making – an essential part of all child development is the mother’s ability to bake a birthday cake. Scores are evaluated on the following criteria:
1. Creativity – judges are allowed discretion on contestant’s ability to design a cake that jives with the particular birthday party theme.
2. Ice Cream Cake – additional points awarded if cake includes ice cream (judges preference).
3. Butter Cream Frosting – extra points awarded, enough said.
4. Type of Ice Cream Served With Cake – additional points if ice cream complements cake (e.g. a cake made up of layers of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry accompanied with neopolitan ice cream)

Points deducted for birthday cake being purchased from outside entity. Cheater! Cheater! You Can’t Lick the Beater! Additional point deducted if the cake was purchased from Costco, yuck.

4th Event: Prepare Children For Bed So That Daddy Can Lay On The Couch and Watch Olympic Hockey When He Gets Home From Work…this one was my idea.

Further events will be reported on in monthly installments…input and ideas for new events are always welcome!

I Assume...

Laura disciplined these two for standing on the couch right after she had them pose for the picture. Consistency is very important when it comes to parenting.



A tough weekend for child-rearing. With Georgia and myself being sick both of us had our moments of discontent. Georgia has a good excuse only being 19 months old. Myself on the other hand have just simply run out of excuses.



I would take the identical picture of myself but I just cannot allow the snot to run down my face in the same manner Georgia does.

Memorable Moments

MTV CRIBS

Talking to Parker this morning about Georgia being sick and waking up coughing throughout the night, Parker came up with a great idea.

“I know, we’ll get her a little tv and put it in her crib so she can watch Wow Wow Wubzy late at night when she can’t sleep”


CHOO CHOO TRAIN

Georgia is digging that song. It was a song I wrote and recorded on the first MagFan cd. When I play it for her on the guitar she dances and dances. When the chorus hits there’s a couple of whole notes-in between the whole notes Georgia will frantically chant “Choo Choo”. What’s even more remarkable is when I reach the part in the song that drops real quiet dynamically, she stops looks at me and squats and just listens intently. I gotta get it on video.






OUR WEDDING VIDEO

Parker really likes to watch our wedding video. She seems to thoroughly enjoy the footage, especially when my dad comes onto the screen. She’ll say something like “there’s Grandpa Powers, I wish I could meet him”. Every time she says that I take a pause. “I do too Parker”. A couple times she’s uttered something like “Mommy, I hope I die and go to heaven so I can see Grandpa Powers”.

How do you respond to that?

JUICE!!!!

We've had a problem brewing for a while now and I finally decided to take action. The culprit? JUICE. We fell into the bad habit of giving Parker a cup of juice and turning on the tv every morning while we crawl back into bed and get a few more winks of sleep. I don't know exactly how it happened but it has become a morning ritual for Parker and she can't have one (juice or tv) without the other.

Now Georgia has fallen into this habit too. It started because she was anemic and we were giving her iron supplements in juice every morning and evening. Georgia has always been a great water drinker. But she won't touch milk. She can't stand it. I've tried soymilk, chocolate milk...nothing. She spits it out, which is quite funny to watch.

I started noticing that the girls were asking for juice more often. I'd always tell them no, "you get one cup in the morning and one cup at quiet time. And you know Dr. Pecht says you should only have one cup and I'm giving you two." Also, they weren't drinking the water I'd give them inbetween meals. They'd just hold out until it was time for the next cup of juice. This bothered me.

So I decided to lay down a new rule. No juice for Georgia, except on special occasions and

Parker could have one cup of juice while Georgia naps as long as she's had water and milk earlier in the day. I felt good about the new rule but apprehensive at the thought of instituting it.

The first day was just what I expected. I came into the kitchen and heard Parker ask, "Can I have some juice?". Well I had explained the new rule to her the night before but she gave it a try anyway. Georgia heard the word and began yelling, "Joooos! Joooos!" I filled up her water cup, making sure to put a few ice cubes in it and handed it too her. She threw it on the floor and ran to the other room, fell to the floor and began crying. I looked over at Parker who was having hard time watching tv without a cup of juice in her hand. I know the power of association and I was prepared for the jucie-tv association to take about a month to break. Ugh!

The next day was more of the same. But towards midday Georgia started sucking her water down just like she used to. This made me happy. There's somethign about kids drinking water that makes me a very happy mommy.

Day three was a total triumph for me. They both seemed to have forgotten about juice completely. They didn't even mention it! Parker forgot to ask for a cup of juice during Georgia's nap! I felt so victorious!

Good Listener

A few days ago Parker dropped some blueberries on the floor. She promptly picked them up and headed over to the trash can to throw them out. I stopped her, telling her that they are fine and she should still eat them. She told me that her teacher, Ms. Lucken, told her that when things fall on the floor they get germs on them and you should always throw them away. On the one hand I appreciated the teacher's explanation and effort to instill some cleanly values into my child. So I said to Parker, "Well, that is true when you are at school or other places where there are lots of people. Because wherever there are lots of people, there are lots of germs". But here at home it's just our family so you can eat things that fall on the floor." I didn't want to go into more detail....like if it's an m'n'm it's okay to pick it off the floor and pop it in your mouth, but if it's a spoonful of lasagna forget about it. I tried to keep it simple.

So yesterday I asked Parker how her Valentine party was at school. "What did you guys eat?" I asked, curious to see how much sugar she'd already ingested for the day and if she'd still be hungry for lunch. She said something like this,
"Well, it was fun. I had a really good time handing out Valentines to all my friends. And we got a cookie but I dropped mine on the floor so I threw it away. I was really disappointed because the teacher said we could only have one and I really wanted to eat it."

My first thought was, "Wow, she just used the word "disappointed".... impressive!"
Next I felt so bad that I didn't go into further detail about when you should throw food away (depending on the type of food and how long it's been on the floor, how dirty the floor is, etc) and when you shouldn't. I pictured Parker sitting at the table watching all her classmates eat their cookies. She didn't even ask the teacher for another cookie. I felt so proud of her for exhibiting so much self control and trying to do the right thing. Such a good girl!

T.W.I.P. Notes (This Week In Parenting)

1) Georgia has quickly becomes PJ’s shadow. As Parker goes, so does Georgia. Which leads to many spills and falls but also leads to wonderful moments when Parker hurt herself and Georgia runs off looking for Parker’s blanket in an effort to make her feel better.

2) Georgia has learned to emphatically say the word “No”. Anything I ask gets a resounding “NO” in addition to a lot of head movement side to side to further punctuate the sentiment. “Georgia, is the sky blue?” – “NO”. “Does a clock turn clockwise?” –“NO”. “Is six plus four equal to ten?” –“NO”. Do you want some M&Ms?-….[pause]….she answers the question with an emphatic nodding of the head up and down stating “Plea!” Plea!”

She is also making my day when I come home from work and hear this little angel wail an excited "Daaaayyyeeeee!!!"



3) I went to get something out of my trunk when I realized what I’ve been doing for the past 3 months. I’ve been throwing all of the crafts that PJ gives me into my trunk. Someday she’s going to read this and not be very happy about this confession…

And if you are reading this, Ms. “Mature Parker”, remember that these are crafts of a 3 and 4 year old girl – impressive for your age but still they’re not Rembrandts. I should take a picture and post them on this blog just to defend myself.

4) At a dinner party Saturday night Laura and I were having a conversation with an acquaintance of mine whose profession is an occupational therapist. Laura asked her how her work is different from that of a physical therapist. She stated that a physical therapist focuses on a specific injury and methods to heal the injured part of the body where an occupational therapist focuses on functional tasks and what is hindering the person from performing them. “Great” I said, “can you help get Laura to take out the trash once in a while?”

I still think it’s funny.

Laura still does not.

5) This weekend reminded me of a better time to come. “Saturday Morning Chores” with the girls. This is where I play a supervisory role and oversee my progeny perform all the remedial cleaning tasks that Laura and I do not like to do. Better times ahead.

Come to think of it. Maybe I do want a third.