Great Expectations

Someone very near and dear to our family has…hmmmm…..I guess the most interesting sounding euphemism to describe the news could be:

** The effervescent Hollywood director has rolled up the red carpet (for a while) and finalized her supporting cast for her autobiographical play about a young writer trying to get published called “Goncalo, A Development Deal with God”.

** Procured an “E” ticket to take part in the great genetic lottery from the State of Grace opting to be paid over the length of her life.

** Joined forces with ‘C’ Company and secured the north beachhead of the Uterine Sea… the “Surge” is successful!

** She has elected to move Baby 2.0 prototype into Development Stage 1 thereby causing a sharp increase in the Fertilized Eggs Index. However, the much anticipated sharp decrease in her Price/Earnings ratio should have a definite impact on her bottom line.

** Has accepted the role as the protagonist in the Oxygen channel’s production of the “Pink and Bloody Show” airing Sunday nights at 8 pm.

In all honesty, it’s real difficult for me to articulate how hopeful, satisfied, excited I am about her pregnificence. There are so many people that are ecstatic about their pregtastic news. Like me, they see how this couple are with children, they almost seemed destined for it.

And so they are now to be given nature’s ultimate test…parenthood. Sure, there’s innumberable amazing components to parenthood that I would never change and I’m still learning what they are everyday. HOWEVER, I am not one to dwell on the positive, that’s much too easy and uplifting for this misanthropic carbon-based being.

Just yesterday Laura called me at work with words something like “let’s put Parker up on Ebay”…ok, truthfully she uttered something like “Parker’s been whining all morning and Georgia only sleeps one hour during the daytime and demands that I hold her all the time and I can’t take it anymore!”. I just listen during times like that.

And now -- the most interesting and provocative part of the experience…naming the little wonder. Laura and I spent many an entertaining night with me torturing her with some of my name ideas (Calpurnia, Soledad, Charalynn, Tristesse, Clarabel, Clementine, etc…) - boys names aren’t that fun to me. It’s part of the ongoing journey of parenthood, it starts somewhat meagerly with minor impacts to your relationship then it grows like a weed, whether you like it or not it takes the relationship you have with your significant other and twists it into a pretzel. Much more flexibility and variability is now required; one more thing - much more understanding of your mate is necessary too. Good Lord, that’s so true.

Congratulations Humpty Bumpty!